MySweetLife.Net

Remember brotastic internet niche figure Tucker Max and his objectively awful movie script? Where the hell is that flick, huh? Here, your full update on I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, the movie:

If you haven’t been following Tucker’s own extensive updates, we’ll bring you right up to speed! The film is all done shooting now and is in post-production. His box office prediction: “I could make a very good argument for it making anything from 20 million all the way up to 200 million.” But more importantly: “I think we made something special.”

Furthermore: “I think this movie is fucking awesome, and I think it has the potential to be regarded as one of the best comedies released over the past generation.”

They still have to get a rating, finish the editing, and get a distributor, so Tucker doesn’t want to get ahead of himself. The release would probably come in the second half of this year, at the earliest. But he can see the film “becoming the type of movie that is on everyone’s DVD shelf, that is referenced thousands of times in hundreds of contexts,” based on the anecdotal evidence:

There was the 60 year old woman at the second LA screening, the crippled one with the cane who got in because she was the ride of someone else we invited. She could not be farther from our projected demographic…and she LOVED the movie. Raved about it.

It was probably the dookie pants scene that grabbed her. We think this could be big! Anyone with fresh info, as always, feel free to email us. [Learn all about this wondrous auteur here]

The holidays apparently sucked for romance, because many people are breaking up, including no-longer-engaged Jennifer Love Hewitt, fresh-minted divorcee Patricia Arquette and maybe perpetually platonic A-Rod.

• Alex Rodriguez is not that into Donna Karan. Yet. But she can follow him around, hopefully, while he follows Karan’s Kabbalah buddy Madonna around, hopefully. [P6]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt and fiancé Ross McCall broke up over the holidays. The Ghost Whisperer star prefers to think of it as crossing the Scottish actor over. [People]
• Patricia Arquette, the “Medium” star and Nicolas Cage ex, filed for divorce from Thomas Jane. Apparently four-year engagements don’t bode well for the future. [Enquirer]
• The Daily News will have you know that Jeremy Piven used to be nearly BALD. In 1995. (Photos or GTFO.) [Gatecrasher]
• Paris Hilton promised to name her first girl “London” and threatened to move to the UK so her kids have “British accents and manners.” [Sun]
• USA Today founder Al Neuharth’s journalism charity is giving money to a Florida adoption agency. Sure, his ex-wife runs it, but orphan journalists don’t place themselves. [P6]
• Spike Lee is “on welfare” compared to real rich people. “Rich is Spielberg. Lucas. Gates. Steve Jobs. Jay-Z!” Poor guy flew to the Bahamas in coach. [P6]
• If you’re going to foreclose on Ed McMahon, you’re going to have to get past his attack poodle. [TMZ]

Today we have an ass-evaluating rapper, a supermodel doing blow, a movie actress getting cheated on, and two wastrel young starlets. So, pretty original!

1) “Which rapper told a Puerto Rican model she needs ‘more of an a—’ to be ‘truly Rican’ — and then proceeded to school her on how to be more ’street’?” [NYDN]

2) “Which supermodel is terrified that a video clip of her racking up lines of cocaine on a yacht in the Mediterranean are going to appear online any day?” [Mirror]

3) “This is someone that has never been in the blinds before. Always fun to have fresh faces in here. What you have is a married C list film actress. She is married to a guy in a celebrity family. If I say his career it will give it all away. So, let’s stick with celebrity family for now. So, on the set of her latest film she met another actress and they bonded and started hanging out and it was completely platonic. You thought I was going to say our wife had an affair with the actress. Nope. I really don’t know if our wife is into women, but it turns out that her husband took an immediate liking to the actress his wife brought home. Well, as soon as he had the chance he made his move, and the two have been almost inseparable. You might ask how that would be possible considering he is married. Well, if you figure out the career you will figure out how it is possible.” [CDaN]

4) “These two young stars are rocketing to stardom. However, if they don’t stop the partying, they may have to make a pitstop in rehab first. The girl has gotten drunk more times in the past week than you can count on one hand. However, she can usually pull it together for interviews. On the other hand, the guy’s drugging is completely out of control. His agent has had to physically pull him out of two interviews recently because he was so stoned he could barely speak or keep his eyes open.” [BlindGossip]

newVideoPlayer(”/Coulter_FoxFriends.flv”, 506, 423,”"); Skeletal oddity Ann Coulter was “BANNED BY NBC,” but now she’s making the rounds of the fair networks to bleat about her own victimhood:

You can see her wearing out the ear of the sympathetic crew on Fox & Friends, who were forced to listen to her even without being outwardly drunk. You can also watch her talking to Harry Smith at CBS below, her key quote being:

“(The book is) basically about how victimhood is rewarded and everyone wants to be a victim,” Coulter told CBS News. “It’s about the rewards and praise you get for being a victim and the way liberals use victimhood and they oppress others.”

All this whining, Ann; you sound like a fucking liberal. Shut the fuck up and go kill something.

Watch CBS Videos Online

Hard-partying Episcopal Priest Gregory Malia was popular in New York nightclubs, what with his $17,000 tips and all. In Wilkes-Barre, Pa. — they have a nightclub! — he was just weird.

Malia is from Pennsylvania. And apparently he liked to try and show off in the vicinity of his hometown. A baffled DJ at “Evolution” remembered one such night for the Daily News,

Greg came in with a group of four older women, who approached the deejay booth and asked him to put on a Rihanna song. One girl said Greg would take ‘very good care’ of the deejay if he helped them out. We thought that was odd.

He was presumably happy after the $1,000 tip, though. Although still confused. Rihanna? Really?

Liskula Cohen, a Vogue model known for her clubland adventures, is suing Google to make it reveal the identity of a blogger who called her a “skank.”

The blog in question, Skanks in NYC, is a pale imitation of, say, Hot Chicks with Douchebags. Besides its anti-Cohen posts, there’s not much there there. But we wonder if Cohen and her lawyers did enough digging before turning to the easy target of Google.

The blogger’s profile on Google’s Blogger.com site reveals he or she has another blog, Who’s Who in NYC, which features a list of club owners and promoters like Noah Tepperberg. The Manhattan club scene is insular enough that a little bit of asking around should reveal who might have a grudge against those mentioned. Doesn’t that seem easier than going after a multibillion-dollar Internet giant which jealously guards its data vaults against legal incursions?

Here’s the Skanks in NYC rant which sent Cohen running to court:

I would have to say that the first place award for “Skankiest in NYC” would have to go to Liskula Gentile Cohen. How old is this skank? 40 something? She’s a psychotic, lying, whoring, still going to clubs at her age, skank.

Yeah she may have been hot 10 years ago, but is it really attractive to watch this old hag straddle dudes in a nightclub or lounge? Desperation seeps from her soul, if she even has one.

Enjoy the pic.

Cohen is actually 36.

An airplane flies into two vertical objects: For many ordinary New Yorkers, it’s a horrible, still-living memory. For Internet commenters, it’s absolutely hilarious.

A user on eBaum’s World, a site which posts pictures and invites often profane discussion, suggested his peers search on a string of icons — “? ??” — and thereby launch it onto Google Trends, the search engine’s tracker for swiftly rising Internet phenomena.

The trick worked; Google’s algorithm declared the glyph’s rise “volcanic.” And despite a surge of protests about its tastelessness, the Googlers have yet to censor the term, as they’ve been known to do with other offensive searches which show up on Google Trends, like a swastika symbol which showed up last summer.

Officially, Google says it has robots which take care of this: “The algorithm also filters out spam and removes inappropriate material.” In reality? The 9/11 hack shows how easy it is to fool Google.

Are a you laid off media person? Have you joined The American Society of Shitcanned Media Elites (ASSME)? You should, because they’re a seriously legitimate organization now. They have T-shirts and everything!

Every sad laid-off blogger (or other media type) type will love this 100% cotton navy blue T-shirt that features the irreverent, Obama-skewering line “Yes We Canned.” Plus, giving good souls that they are, they’re giving all the profits to charity. God bless ‘em.

The fun times group had a swell open bar party recently for all the newly jobless to commiserate and get drunk. And while we can’t exactly say that we hope to join their fine organization, we were bummed we couldn’t attend the party.

And now we’re even more bummed because we can’t wear the T-shirt. What if it was donned in noble solidarity? Would that count?